Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Scenery and Fish

  • Getting swept sux.

  • Losing Doc, even for a week, sucks more.

  • Teh 2 r related.

  • Sure, if Doc had stayed in there was a chance he would have gone 8 or 9 innings, but if he'd only gone 7, League probably would have pitched the 8th. He probably wouldn't have given up 5 runs, but as wild as he was, I doubt he would have held a lead.

  • Dey almost staged a comebak in game 2.

  • It would have been the biggest comeback of the year, but it fell short. Of course the failed steal of third didn't help.

  • Rios had bin on a roll steeling.

  • Yes, but there were two things wrong with that steal. First, Bautista strikes out or walks 42% of the time. That's not enough contact to justify the risk of stealing third, especially when he hits 24% line drives when he does make contact. He has a BABIP of over .360. If he puts the ball in play, it's likely enough to be a hit that it isn't worth the risk. Second, Bautista got out of the way of Baker's throw to third. The batter has the right to the batter's box. Bautista should have made Baker go around him. Considering how close a play it turned out to be, Rios might have been safe. For that matter, maybe the throw would have gone into left field and Rios would have scored without contact.

  • Dey had anuther chans to tie it in the 9th, but Wells striked owt.

  • Don't forget that Aaron Hill popped up the first pitch.

  • Dat lineup shuffl was not so gret aktualy.

  • It worked out pretty good for Rios, but he wasn't the problem. A lot of scorn goes Vernon's way, but for this series, you can't just ignore that Lind went 0 for 12 in the cleanup spot where everyone wanted him.

  • An Tallet wuz also not so gret on Sunday.

  • He's had 7 great and one bad start between his disasters. That's a pretty good rate.

  • Anyweyz, deres nobody to replace him wif.

  • I don't think Tallet is at the top of the list of starters who might need to be replaced, but that's true.

  • After gettun swept by a bad teem deyz playin a gud teem.

  • In the past the complaint about this team was that they played poorly against weak teams and well against strong ones. Maybe that will be the case again. Anyways, the last time they had a losing streak the off-day was just what they needed.

  • The last taim dey had plade 20 strate days, nawt 4.

Friday, June 12, 2009

The Bush Twins Want You Back

  • Jaze winned a rane shortind sereez in Texes.

  • Once again, from afar a series win looks great, but after winning the first two and having the rainout, it's a letdown not getting the sweep, especially with how well we pitched.

  • Izzat including Janssen?

  • Sure. I mean, yes he let the first two baserunners reach, but then he got a ground ball right at an infielder, another ground ball, and a strikeout. That should be 4 outs and no runs scored, not one out, two runs in, and second and third. And then the inherited runner that scored off Frasor was right at Hill too.

  • We sed dis abowt doze 4 infeeld singles dat uver start he made. Mebbe da grounders Janssen gives up iz harder hit dan Docs?

  • If so-called late movement takes the ball off the barrel of the bat, then I can believe that slightly less movement takes the ball slightly less off the barrel of the bat for a harder hit grounder, but I don't think that's what happened in Janssen's start.

  • It definitly wuznt wut hapend in Tallets start.

  • It was so good that it's hardly worth talking about. Two hits, seven innings, summer of Tallet.

  • An Lind hit three homed runs in 2 gamez. Wud have been nice if hed saved wun fur game 3.

  • If only it actually worked that way. Everyone except maybe Chavez had a chance to win this one for the Jays and none of them did.

  • An Ricky lukt like he did in hiz furst few starts.

  • That's two straight, right? So hopefully he's over that rough patch when he came off the DL.

  • Nex sereez is agenst teh tasty fish.

  • Doc against Nolasco in the retro unis.

  • Itz a waste of Doc to hav him pitch agenst somewun havin as bad a yeer as Nolasco.

  • Maybe, but I don't think you hold him back for a tougher matchup, because they might find out and hold Nolasco back too, and then you use Richmond this series instead of Tallet for no good reason.

  • Insted Richmond duznt pitch for ovur a week agen.

  • And I complained after his previous start that maybe that's why he wasn't effective.

  • If hez bad wunce evry 2 weex, is that better or wurse dan getting moar starts fur Doc?

  • Touché.

  • So, wez only havvin chatz affter evry sereez nao?

  • Maybe if something like a trade happens we can discuss it. Feel free to post between chats, though.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Saving the homestand

  • Doc wuz ossum.

  • It was also nice that the bats showed up early to support him, but when you give up 7 singles and no walks you don't need that much run support.

  • An Hill finly got a hit, an it wuz a homed run.

  • He also drew only his second walk during his 0-for-25 slump, which is easy not to notice in a world that cares more about batting average than OBP.

  • Jaze didnt do much after da third, tho.

  • It is alarming when they shut it down after a few innings, even when they have the lead and Doc is on the mound. Also, none of our runes came on hits with RISP.

  • Even if Davies wuz throwin gud, it wuz excessiv to have him go the whole game.

  • We thought it was stupid when Halladay threw 133 in his previous start, and Davies is no Halladay.

  • Dis week will be tuff. Jaze is in Texis wifout Doc.

  • And the Red Sox and Yankees are playing each other, so we can't gain on both at once and if we lose we give up a game to one of them.

  • Better not luze den.

Saturday, June 6, 2009


  • Dey gived Hill hiz off day.

  • And it was a day game after a night game, so Barajas and Rolen both got off days, which made for a pretty punchless lineup even if Rios and Wells weren't slumping. Bautista batting second is just sad--his OBP against righties is 150 points higher than his slugging, which raises the question of why pitchers are afraid to throw him strikes when he hasn't demonstrated an ability to punish them for it.

  • It wuz strange dat John McDonald plade second insted of Inglett.

  • I guess they had to get him a start at some point, and he even got a hit. But why does Millar keep getting starts at DH? He's not hitting anyone great, but at least he's hitting lefties better than Overbay which makes him useful as a platoon partner. As an everyday DH he's terrible. I know Inglett's numbers so far haven't been great, but it's not like he's 37. We saw him play basically every day last year, so we know he's going to hit for average if not for power, and if you put him in left and move Lind to DH (where he's been great all year), you improve the defense too.

  • Lind's defense wuz fine today.

  • A bad bet is still bad if you win. It's reminding me of last year, where releasing Frank Thomas let Shannon Stewart and Matt Stairs play poorly every day.

  • I wuznt alive last yeer.

  • You didn't miss much. Be happy you don't know what Mencherson means.

  • So sins the bottom uv the order hit Hochevar, duz dat mean the top iz still slumping cuz dey cudnt, or dat he got better after giving up the homer to Chavez?

  • I think both could be true--the bottom of the order didn't do much after that either.

  • An Richmond had wun bad inning agen, but dis time dey didnt let him finish it.

  • They skipped his spot completely instead of just sliding everyone but Doc around a five day schedule with the off days, he pitched out of the bullpen once in that time, and they they run him out there expecting him to be sharp. I think it was just a bad idea all around. Maybe he was the fifth starter at the start of the season, but Tallet wasn't a starter at all and Janssen was on the DL and they got to keep their spots in the rotation.

  • Also lefteez hit Richmond hard and dere were a bunch in a row.

  • Sure, Teahen hit the homer, but it was only for two runs because the righty Guillen had singled. Bloomquist is a righty and he hit a three run triple. Didn't he only have one extra base hit all last year?

  • Like I sed--

  • It was rhetorical. Anyways, at least they have Doc pitching for the series win and to clinch the winning homestand, but the win against Greinke was a windfall and they gave it right back, and going 3 and 4 in the games in the homestand not started by Halladay is really bad.

  • Better'n losing nine inna row.

Please don't let the rest of the AL East do that to you, Zack Greinke

  • Jaze beeted Greinke! An Romero wuz pretty gret, aktually.

  • Two encouraging signs--the ability to put a bunch of runs on the board against a pretty good pitcher, and Romero looking like he did in his first three starts.

  • Dat makes up for losing yesterday.

  • Not really--I mean, we could have won yesterday and still won today. In the sense that it makes a 6-3 homestand possible again, you're right, but we should really be aiming higher than that.

  • An Scutaro an Rios didnt need a day off after all.

  • Rios' 1 for 4 with an RBI double isn't that kind of breakout performance that makes me think that everything that was wrong is better, but a bad day at the plate and a worse night, it has to be a boost to help the team. And Scutaro's three doubles in his first three at-bats really set up the whole game.

  • Hill still needz a day off tho.

  • Yeah, when you get to 0 for 25, that's mental health day territory.

  • Do yu fink Romero wuda got sent down if he hadnt pitched gud?

  • I don't think so--Purcey is still walking too many, and the other real candidate for getting called up is Fabio Castro. He started tonight, so if they had called him up he could have taken Romero's spot in the rotation immediately. His line: 3 innings, 1 hit, 3 walks, no strikeouts, no runs. His walk/strikeout ratio isn't great, but his WHIP is a tremendous 1.07 and he's only given up one homer in 46 innings pitching in a hitter's league. All that said, he hadn't pitched in AAA until this year, and if they have to pull him after three innings and 58 pitches in a scoreless one-hitter then I don't see how he's going to go deep into major league games.

  • Romero wuznt going deep into games eethur, and he wuz pulled after 90 pitches tonite.

  • 3 runs over 7 innings is great, and needing only 90 pitches to go 7 innings is great--I'm sure there's a lot of teams who would love a young guy who can do that. Maybe getting the early hook in his last few starts meant he was tiring sooner than he normally would and that's why he gave up the homers, or maybe they wanted to get innings for some guys who hadn't pitched because of the back to back losses, but I don't see what there is to complain about in this start. And getting back to that point, when their whole strategy with Romero was getting him to trust his stuff, sending him to the minors--and in so doing telling him that the team doesn't trust his stuff--would undo some of the work they'd been doing.

  • I hope hez di gud agenst Texus.

  • It'll be a test--that lineup is a whole lot better than Kansas City's.

  • But for nao, Ize lookin forward to da sweep.

  • I didn't think you looked forward to anything but getting fed.

  • Hey, dats cold.

Friday, June 5, 2009

And when he whiffs, he really shows you all he can

  • I fink Rios mite need a day off.

  • Frankly Hill and Scutaro could use one too. Hill personally killed every rally the Jays had, and Scutaro got a hanging slider on the first pitch with the bases loaded and he popped it up. But Rios's five strikeouts look really bad in the box score, and they looked even worse in action. I don't think strikeouts are that much worse than in play outs, but in Rios's case he was getting nothing but sliders and he couldn't lay off them or make contact with him.

  • It shur luks like ur conseeding to Greinke if yu give all 3 an off day agenst him.

  • If they can't hit anything anyways at this point then they'd be conceding to Greinke by leaving them in the lineup.

  • If only wun uv dem cud hav got wun hit den Lind wud hav hit wif a man on an de Jaze wud hav wun.

  • Well if one of them had got one hit when the bases were loaded (and they had a few chances), it would have driven in at least one run and then they wouldn't even have needed Lind to get a hit, but you can't assume that he would have got a hit if he had batted with men on just because he had five with the bases empty. It's the fallacy of the predetermined outcome. Lind's hits were a product of his circumstances. You can't change the circumstances and assume he still would have hit.

  • Well hopefly a day off iz enuff to get all dem hitting agen.

  • And hopefully the one Wells just got is enough too. It'll be a long night if there's no Scutaro, Hill, or Rios, and Wells still sucks.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Janssen in the Dark

  • Dat wun wuz bad in evry way.

  • Janssen couldn't get anything down and in or down and away consistently. Everything down was over the heart of the plate, and everything else was up, including most of his sliders.

  • But he gotz swingin strikez!

  • I think it's pretty telling about the Angels that they only managed one home run off Janssen.

  • At leest Camp wuz gud.

  • And Carlson's results were bad again, but it seemed like a lot of bad luck. A seeing eye grounder to the hole at shortstop, an error by Rolen, an RBI single that should have been a two outs bases empty single, and then he jams Bobby Abreu and it falls in for a classic Texas League double, gets touched by a fan so it's a ground rule double, and the ump rules the runner at first gets to score anyways. So he doesn't walk anybody and gives up solid contact to one guy and it's three runs.

  • Sum uv dem is unernd.

  • I think the better way to look at it is that with how bad the bats were, it didn't end up making a difference. Weaver was pitching to the corners, and when he did leave offspeed stuff up in the zone I guess it was when the Jays were expecting a fastball.

  • Hed bin tuff on raitees.

  • And yet Kevin Millar was in the lineup. Was it his two singles and a walk in 6 plate appearances that earned him that start? I thought we were supposed to have a left field platoon of Bautista and Inglett. Alternatively Inglett could have played second if Cito had decided Hill needed a day off. In the end all three of our hits off Weaver came from lefties, and it might have been four if Overbay had swung on the 3-1 fastball down the middle of the plate instead of taking it and drawing a walk. Wasn't not being agressive on those hittable pitches his problem last year that he was supposed to have fixed?

  • Yankeez lost, so deyr still only 2 back in the divijin.

  • And they have Tallet pitching for the series win, and he's been pretty consistent. I keep pointing out that the difference between .550 and .600 is one extra win every 20 games, so hopefully this one was part of the .400 instead of the .450.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Too Much Of A Good Thing

  • Jaze winned! Doc pitched a compleat game!

  • He also set a personal record for strikeouts in a game with 14, but it was completely insane having him start the 8th, let alone the 9th.

  • Do yu hate Doc? Why can he not has a personal milestone?

  • When has Doc seemed like a guy who cares about personal accomplishments more than the team winning? And if he gets hurt because he threw 133 pitches, that hurts the team's chances of winning, no matter what personal milestone he set.

  • But da bullpen blowed da last 2 gamez Doc started.

  • On Friday and Saturday, League and Downs were dominant in the last two innings, and with the loss on Sunday and the off day Monday they were well rested. Doesn't it send a bad message to the rest of the team if the ace trusts his own teammates so little that he has to risk injury or ineffectiveness to close out a game himself when he struggled in the 7th? Is Casey Janssen supposed to feel good about League and Downs pitching in his start when Doc doesn't?

  • So ur mad at Doc?

  • Mostly I'm mad at Cito. Of course Doc is going to say he wants to stay in, but it's Cito's job to protect the team's investment in its players and its chances of winning in the future.

  • He keeps hiz players in so they feel confident an play better later.

  • After winning a Cy Young award I hope Doc doesn't need to pitch the 8th and 9th after a rough 7th to feel confident as a pitcher. Anwyays, confidence isn't worth much if your arm falls off.

  • Nao hooz being melodramatic?

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Meatloaf was wrong

  • Jaze winned wun, an den losed wun.

  • Tallet settled down nicely after some early trouble on Saturday.

  • Tu bad Romero kudnt on Sunday. Uv kors da bats didnt help.

  • Last time we faced Lester he got a favourable strike zone, as shown by The Mockingbird. I think it happened again. (Edit: It did.)

  • Bullpen wuz gud Friday an Saturday, but was not so gret on Sunday, aktualy.

  • As we discussed, there were some moves that should have been made, and they weren't. Wolfe came in to face a bunch of righties again, and got shelled. At least he didn't give up a lead, but it would have been nice to keep it close. Over a period of 9 right handed batters, Wolfe gave up two singles, a homer, a double, a bunt, two more homers, and another double. That's not getting it done.

  • At leest da Jaze proofed they cud win a sereez agenst Boston wifout Halladay.

  • Who did they need to prove it to? ESPN? Certainly it was important to win the series, but proving they could has no value--if anything it has negative value, because they'll less likely to be underestimated.

  • Ur shur suckin the fun out uv a series win.

  • Going into the series, sure you could say it would be great to get a series win, but once they won the first two it became a one game series, and they lost it.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

All Bad Things Must Come To An End

  • OMG, Jaze finly winned!

  • If you're going to jump up excitedly you're going to have to let me trim your claws.

  • But the trimmer is scary... wait, Jaze winned! Iznt there betr stuff to talk about?

  • Really it's the same stuff we were talking about when they were losing. It's just that whether they did the thing or not is reversed. They got extra base hits. They got 2 out RBIs. The bullpen didn't give up 8 runs.

  • Dey didn't hit a homer.

  • Rios hit one that came close to going out to straightaway center field.

  • So did Ortiz.

  • Fair enough, although Ortiz's one was more of a fly ball than a line drive and the extra hang time gave Wells enough time to get under it.

  • If ur not upset about him almost giving up a gran slam in the furst, are u at least worried about the 11 hits Janssen gave up?

  • That included 4 ground ball singles. On average the BABIP on a ground ball is about .150, so there was some bad luck there. 7 real hits in 7 innings isn't too bad against a tough lineup. Obviously he could help himself out by striking out a few more guys. In 2006 as a starter he had 4.2K/9, and as a reliever in 2007 he had 4.8K/9, so we know he has it in him.

  • I gess winning fixs evrything.

  • Or does fixing everything cause winning? Sometimes you break a losing streak by lucking into a win, but everything that was a problem during the streak is still a problem after the streak, except for the stress of being on a streak. This time they got a decent start from an unheralded starter, scored some timely runs, and the bullpen locked it down, just like they were doing before the losing streak. That seems to me like a sign they can keep winning, instead of falling into another losing streak.

  • Dat means ize gonna be jumpin for joy moar offen when u come home.

  • And that means I'm gonna trim your claws right now.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Not what we're accustomed to seeing

  • Jaze losed again.

  • *sigh*

  • Ize sorry. I wuznt trying to rub it in. Here, want to watch me play wif jingly ball? Ooh, jingly! *paw paw*

  • It's okay. It's just that the thing that was obviously wrong with the team during this losing streak finally got better, but something that was fine at the start was becoming a problem as it went on without really attracting any attention.

  • Iz easy to dismis bullpen making leads bigr when u can not has scoring anywaze.

  • Since they have an off day today it would be a good time to fix the problems in the pen.

  • Mite be moar problemz than dey can fix.

  • I hope not, but if you can fix most of the problems it's easier to hide the rest. The first thing is to lock in Downs, Frasor, and League as the late inning trio.

  • So evrywun else is expendabl?

  • There's roles that need to be played and they're not playing them. Out of Wolfe, Ryan, Camp, and Carlson, Wolfe and Carlson still have options, so if you're that worried about losing someone those are the two you send down first, but really, if you put Camp on waivers at this point, who are you worried about claiming him? Maybe the Nationals.

  • Who replacez dem?

  • Carlson is supposed to be our lefty specialist and he's given up a game losing homer and a game-tying homer to lefties in the past few weeks, plus yesterday's disaster which included a few lefties. Looking at the stats in the high minors, there's one reliever who's been good at getting out lefties, and it's Jeremy Accardo.

  • Yu want a right-handed LOOGY?

  • When he was closing in 2007 he was more effective against lefties than righties, probably because his splitter was better than his slider. He couldn't find the splitter last year, but it looks like he's got it back--or at least something that lefties can't hit. Also it makes him effective against switch hitters, because they'll probably bat left-handed against him without realizing they're making their odds worse.

  • Brett Cecil wuz a closer in college.

  • The Jays see him as a starter long-term, so moving him into short relief now would probably stunt his development, especially considering that they were overzealous in limiting his innings last year. If he's going to start for the Jays in 2010, he can't relieve in 2009 unless it's at the very end of the season. Besides, they sent him down too recently.

  • Wut about Wolfe?

  • He's supposed to be a righty specialist, but he hasn't been very good against them. The guy who stands out in AAA as being good against righties is Jonah Bayliss, who we apparently got from the Pirates last year and resigned as a minor league free agent. I certainly don't remember hearing either piece of news at the time.

  • How do you know he can do it for the Jaze?

  • My best argument is that the Pacific Coast League is a hitter's league, so if someone has success there they must have something.

  • So wut do u do wif Camp and Ryan?

  • Camp only pitches in blowouts--basically the job that Tallet used to have, although I'm not quite expecting Camp to do it as well. Ryan, I don't know. Lefties light him up, and righties light him up worse. The scouts say he sucks, and the stats say he sucks. He can't pitch multiple innings and you can't use him for one inning that matters. If the team needed the money this year or next I'd be talking to his agent about deferred money, but when his currrent contract ends is when some of the other contracts balloon and when they need money to extend Halladay. I don't think you release him jsut yet because the optics of that are really bad. Maybe he finds another fake injury you can put him on the DL with.

  • Wut r the odds of any of dis hapning?

  • We might hear rumblings today, but I figure the players get their off-day today and any transactions come before tomorrow's game. For the players coming from Vegas, they might put them on a plane today rather than having them arrive the day of the game.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Eight is more than enough

  • Jaze losed again.

  • Were you waiting by the door just to say that to me?

  • No, I wuz wating by the door for u to give me noms.

  • If you were that hungry there's a bowl of kibble just for you to snack on.

  • Sumtimes I has trubl finding the kitchin without ur help.

  • Okay, c'mon. So they still aren't hitting with power and went 2 for 13 with RISP. Here's your fancy feast.

  • Nom nom nom

  • At least Lind got an RBI. It had been a while since he had one. Also he was hitting third with Rios getting the day off, so that's production from that lineup slot we haven't been getting, but with Hill only managing to extend his hitting streak with a broken bat ground ball single in the 9th, he wasn't getting as many chances as he should have. We still should have driven in Scutaro's second leadoff double of the game.

  • A Jay got a lucky hit? Deys been unlucky on evrythin they put in play this trip.

  • It certainly seems that way. Big League Stew is the closest thing to a major media outlet to pitck on the Jays' lack of off days. I thought it was going to be a problem when I saw the schedule in the first place, even when everyone was saying the Jays had an easy schedule.

  • Dey has a hard schedule aganst ezy teems?

  • That's what I thought. I guess we'll see on Friday when they've had a day off.

  • Hopefly theyl be on a wun game winning streek by then.

Monday, May 25, 2009

The Jays Don't Know Where Their Towel Is

  • Jaze losed again.

  • At least Vernon had an RBI.

  • Iz it gud that he has one, or bad that it didn't matter?

  • Obviously it would be silly to blame one player for the losing streak when the entire team stopped hitting for power. Rolen hasn't driven in a run since the series against the Yankees and nobody's getting on his case, and he's actually getting paid more this year than Wells.

  • But if dey fixed Vernon, why dont dey do the same to evrywun?

  • It depends what the problem was. Since everyone started struggling at the same time, isn't it more likely that one thing affected everyone than that everyone started to struggle at the same time for different reasons? I mean, there's no reason word would have got out on how to pitch to everyone at the same time, and even if it had, the Jays have seen their share of mistake pitches during this streak and failed to capitalize on them.

  • Sumfing like bad noms?

  • Sure, everyone eats from the same postgame spread, so they could all have been affected by a case of food poisoning at the same time. Also, they spend a lot of time together, so if one of them was sick it could spread to everyone, especially on a road trip because they don't have any choice but to travel together. And the team hasn't had many days off compared to the other teams in the division, so they could just be tired

  • Wut about da nuklball hangover?

  • It's not like they had many hits against Clayton Richard the game before the road trip, and even Rios's game winning triple was just a bloop single the center fielder missed trying to make a do-or-die play to keep it a tie game. Anyways, they beat Wakefield at the start of a 5 game winning streak last year, and later in the year when he shut the Jays out, they won the next game 8-1, and this is basically the same group of players. Why would it happen to them now?

  • Even Cito sed yung guyz can has their swing screwed up by the nuklr when he benchd Snider.

  • Well if it is the knuckleball hangover then the Jays are in trouble, because they'll face Wakefield first in the next homestand. I suppose this all sounds like rationalizing, since there's no way for anyone outside the organization to know for sure, and they'd never tell their opposition what their problems were.

  • Yu seem pretty shur dese arnt the real Jaze.

  • If these are the real Jays then they're the worst offensive team in history relative to their era, and even the most pessimistic projections thought the team's problem would be starting pitching depth. Maybe the first six weeks weren't the real Jays either, but they can't really be this bad.

  • Nobodyz as bad as dey luk wen deyr losing.

  • Exactly.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

The Paradox Explained

  • Torgen, I can has a bedtime story?

  • That depends, Archimedes. Are you really going to go to sleep if I--

  • A mouse! I has it for noms!

  • Ouch, my toe! If I tell you a story, will you at least stop biting my feet?

  • If Ize asleep I kant nom mouses.

  • Well I can't say I've ever heard of a cat that needed help getting to sleep, but okay. I'll tell you a story about baseball. Once a baseball team was coming to bat leading off the inning was the designated hitter, Tor--

  • Torgen?

  • I was going to say Tortoise, but okay, his name can be Torgen. Many people were impressed by his plate discipline, but many others more interested in actually observing his play on the field knew that his strike zone was smaller than the baseball. Needless to say, he drew a leadoff walk. When he reached first base about five minutes later, the inning continued. The next batter was Achi--

  • Archimedes?

  • ...sure, I guess you wouldn't get the reference anyways. So Archimedes hits a ground rule double, which is a pretty good thing for his team because Torto--I mean Torgen was a pretty safe bet to get forced out at any base.

  • Ize small like a tortis. Why can I not has a walk too?

  • Are you known for your patience? Besides, it wasn't you, it was a guy with the same name as you. And a ground rule double is better than a walk!

  • A dubl is defens dependent.

  • Well I'm telling the story, and you hit a ground rule double. Anyways, the next batter hits a single. The runner at second tries to score. First he runs halfway to home, which is third base. Once he's there he runs halfway home again, which puts him a little past the coaching box. Then from there he runs halfway home again, which puts him near the dirt cutout, and then halfway home again, which puts him near the batter's box. But since he can't go somewhere without first going halfway there, he never reaches home and thus never scores.

  • Oh noes!

  • It gets worse. The runner at third tries to score too. To get home, first he has to run halfway home. To run halfway home, first he has to run a quarter of the way home. To run a quarter of the way home, he has to run an eighth, and so on. As a result he's never even able to leave the third base bag. Thus, not only does Archimedes not score, he gets called out for passing the lead runner.

  • Iz dat why the Jaze has lost six gamez in a row?

  • No, that's because the Jays have only hit one home run on this road trip.

  • Mebbe deys havin the same problem. If Wellz wants to hit a homer to leff feeld, he has to hit it 380 feets, rite?

  • If it's to the power alley, and depending on the ballpark, but okay.

  • An to hit it 380 feets, first it has to go 190 feets

  • I think I see where this is going.

  • An before it goze 190 feets it goze 95 feets, where its a eezy play for the shortstop.

  • I was wrong. Anyways, are you ready to go to sleep now?

  • Yes, Ize been kneading a comfy spot all dis time. Nighty-nite.

  • Wait, not on my lap!

  • Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

  • Now how am I supposed to get off the couch without waking you up?