The Paradox Explained

• Torgen, I can has a bedtime story?


• That depends, Archimedes. Are you really going to go to sleep if I--


• A mouse! I has it for noms!


• Ouch, my toe! If I tell you a story, will you at least stop biting my feet?


• If Ize asleep I kant nom mouses.


• Well I can't say I've ever heard of a cat that needed help getting to sleep, but okay. I'll tell you a story about baseball. Once a baseball team was coming to bat leading off the inning was the designated hitter, Tor--


• Torgen?


• I was going to say Tortoise, but okay, his name can be Torgen. Many people were impressed by his plate discipline, but many others more interested in actually observing his play on the field knew that his strike zone was smaller than the baseball. Needless to say, he drew a leadoff walk. When he reached first base about five minutes later, the inning continued. The next batter was Achi--


• Archimedes?


• ...sure, I guess you wouldn't get the reference anyways. So Archimedes hits a ground rule double, which is a pretty good thing for his team because Torto--I mean Torgen was a pretty safe bet to get forced out at any base.


• Ize small like a tortis. Why can I not has a walk too?


• Are you known for your patience? Besides, it wasn't you, it was a guy with the same name as you. And a ground rule double is better than a walk!


• A dubl is defens dependent.


• Well I'm telling the story, and you hit a ground rule double. Anyways, the next batter hits a single. The runner at second tries to score. First he runs halfway to home, which is third base. Once he's there he runs halfway home again, which puts him a little past the coaching box. Then from there he runs halfway home again, which puts him near the dirt cutout, and then halfway home again, which puts him near the batter's box. But since he can't go somewhere without first going halfway there, he never reaches home and thus never scores.


• Oh noes!


• It gets worse. The runner at third tries to score too. To get home, first he has to run halfway home. To run halfway home, first he has to run a quarter of the way home. To run a quarter of the way home, he has to run an eighth, and so on. As a result he's never even able to leave the third base bag. Thus, not only does Archimedes not score, he gets called out for passing the lead runner.


• Iz dat why the Jaze has lost six gamez in a row?


• No, that's because the Jays have only hit one home run on this road trip.


• Mebbe deys havin the same problem. If Wellz wants to hit a homer to leff feeld, he has to hit it 380 feets, rite?


• If it's to the power alley, and depending on the ballpark, but okay.


• An to hit it 380 feets, first it has to go 190 feets


• I think I see where this is going.


• An before it goze 190 feets it goze 95 feets, where its a eezy play for the shortstop.


• I was wrong. Anyways, are you ready to go to sleep now?


• Yes, Ize been kneading a comfy spot all dis time. Nighty-nite.


• Wait, not on my lap!


• Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.


• Now how am I supposed to get off the couch without waking you up?